I am beautiful

I wanted to share this post I made in my Myspace blog with all of you here. This proves that I really can come up with more than one paragraph of coherent thought :) I try to share my midwifery stories and thoughts here and the thoughts I file under the category of other in my myspace blog but, I liked this one so much I decided to share.

I am beautiful!

This is what I have to tell myself everyday. Being here in Babylon...I don't feel very beautiful. Our society puts a lot of pressure on us to be beautiful. Then they tell us what beauty is. When I see a super skinny 17 year old come into the coffee shop I think...wow that girl could be a super model. She is the standard of beauty in our country. I must be appauling to most people. With my natural body and hair. My tattoos, my fat. No one looks at me twice...at least not in THAT way.

My world view has certainly changed since I left EastWind. the people there were all natural. They didn't shave their legs much less their pussies! They had natural hair colors and natural breasts. Clothing was optional there, so I often saw the real shape of their bodies and non of them were digitally enhanced, airbrushed or otherwise altered (though some were modified with tattoos and piercings). They were different shapes and sizes. Different colors and different sexes. But, the one thing they all had in common was none of them were perfect. Everyone had a flaw of some kind. That, to me, was beautiful. Our diversity was beautiful. I felt beautiful there. I had many friends and lovers and not one of them made me feel as if I needed to change because I was not tall, skinny, pretty, whatever enough.

I guess my standard of beauty is just well...different than most. To me you have to have a light that shines a wonderful spectrum of colors to be beautiful. I can't remember the last time I simply saw someone from across a crowded room and thought "man, that person is amazingly good looking!" I really need to get to know a person before I feel or find an attraction on a physical level. Beauty is not something that someone can achieve by working out or by getting a boob job or by waxing their pussy. Beauty is spiritual, it isn't tangible. It is something that radiates form within a person. The glow of a smile, the warmth of a heart. It is something that lives within us. Everyone has it. Some of us don't show it. Some of us exude it. The thing that really amazes me is that our culture doesn't nurture it. I mean you can flip on the old boob tube and see a Dove commercial telling us to honor true beauty but, considering every other commercial force feeds us the "pop culture" standard of beauty, how the hell does anyone really know what true beauty looks like. And more importantly, does anyone care? Shit, everywhere I look I see people talking about how fat Brittney Spears is now. Last I saw that woman was still a size 6 people! WTF! That ain't fat. I bet most consumers laugh at those Dove commercials, in fact I remember reading a poll somewhere that had a majority of people saying that they thought that those commercials should be removed from T.V. because "those women are just gross, no one wants to see that". If that is gross then I don't even want to know what those people would say about me.
I am so thankful that I have a voice that tells me everyday that I am beautiful. That voice comes attached to my husband of course. He is always telling me that I should be happy because he thinks I am a super sexy goddess mama. I am. I am truly happy that I have found a voice of reason in this chaos. he calls me back to the light when i start to feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I often wonder how I got to be so lucky. How lucky I am to find a man that loves me for what I am as well as who I am.