Thursday, December 6, 2007
"They" said she couldn't do it
Monday morning I woke up at 4am. I couldn't get back to sleep so I came downstairs had a glass of milk, took a shower, heated my rice pillow and snuggled back in bed. A few minutes later I got a phone call from a papa saying that L was having contractions but, not to come over just yet. So, I started to doze of when the next call came, her water had broke. So, I got up got dressed and headed over. When I got there L was laboring really well and getting herself ready to get into the pool. I got my baselines, took a few notes, called Mona and went in to lay down on the couch. Mona arrived around 6:30am and we chatted for awhile. Everything was so calm and felt so perfect. I was elated to be at this birth. As I lay on the couch listening to L moan and breath through contractions I thought about the conversations we had about the doctors and how they said she should have just planned her csection from the beginning. At about 7:45am I started to hear L doing some involuntary pushing but I wanted to wait a bit before we went in and disturbed her flow. Finally around 8:15am I went in and sat beside the pool. She was really starting to push. I saw the babies head emerge gently and I watched as all the mucus was pushed out of his nose by the mama's yoni. Then slowly she pushed the rest of the baby out into my hands. I slowly lifted him out of the water so he could take his first breath and handed him over to L. She looked down and discovered that the baby was a boy. She and her partner began to cry with joy. It was such a sweet victory. You see L has a heart shaped uterus. Her first birth was a csection and the doctors told her that she would never be able to carry term or give birth naturally. She was 10 days overdue! And those doctors were so wrong! Welcome River Free I, born December 3rd 2007 at 8:35am, 7lbs. 6oz. Beautiful, perfect and amazing.
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
The journey begins
So, I sent my mother in law an email that said many things including that I started dreadlocks. She said that her family was very conservative especially with hair and that none of them will like the dreadlocks. She did say that it was my hair to do with as I please....
So, the journey begins. Strange how we have to start with our families isn't it? On thanksgiving I had a conversation with Jesse's grandma about being different or looking different and why some people choose to do so. I tried to talk to her about our prejudices and how being different on the outside forces people into facing these prejudices.
Having dreads is one way that I want to buck the system. It is another way that I can look Babylon in the face and say "I am done! I am done trying to conform to your outrageous beauty standards! I done trying to fit into a culture that will not accept me for who I am." And then I will walk into a persons home and be likable. Down right kind and likable. I will make people look at our culture and what it says to them about what beauty is and maybe just maybe they will begin to question what beauty really looks like.
Why are dreads such an abomination to the white people? Is it because black people do this to their hair? Is it possible that the white persons repulsion of dreads could be a racist response? Can you imagine? Could it be possible that black hair is beautiful too? Even if it's on a white girl?
So, the journey begins. Strange how we have to start with our families isn't it? On thanksgiving I had a conversation with Jesse's grandma about being different or looking different and why some people choose to do so. I tried to talk to her about our prejudices and how being different on the outside forces people into facing these prejudices.
Having dreads is one way that I want to buck the system. It is another way that I can look Babylon in the face and say "I am done! I am done trying to conform to your outrageous beauty standards! I done trying to fit into a culture that will not accept me for who I am." And then I will walk into a persons home and be likable. Down right kind and likable. I will make people look at our culture and what it says to them about what beauty is and maybe just maybe they will begin to question what beauty really looks like.
Why are dreads such an abomination to the white people? Is it because black people do this to their hair? Is it possible that the white persons repulsion of dreads could be a racist response? Can you imagine? Could it be possible that black hair is beautiful too? Even if it's on a white girl?
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Warriors of the Rainbow
There was an old lady, from the "Cree" tribe, named "Eyes of Fire", who prophesied that one day, because of the white mans' or Yo-ne-gis' greed, there would come a time, when the fish would die in the streams, the birds would fall from the air, the waters would be blackened, and the trees would no longer be, mankind as we would know it would all but cease to exist.
There would come a time when the "keepers of the legend, stories, culture rituals, and myths, and all the Ancient Tribal Customs" would be needed to restore us to health. They would be mankinds� key to survival, they were the "Warriors of the Rainbow". There would come a day of awakening when all the peoples of all the tribes would form a New World of Justice, Peace, Freedom and recognition of the Great Spirit.
The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would spread these messages and teach all peoples of the Earth or "Elohi". They would teach them how to live the "Way of the Great Spirit". They would tell them of how the world today has turned away from the Great Spirit and that is why our Earth is "Sick".
The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would show the peoples that this "Ancient Being" (the Great Spirit), is full of love and understanding, and teach them how to make the "Earth or Elohi" beautiful again. These Warriors would give the people principles or rules to follow to make their path right with the world. These principles would be those of the Ancient Tribes. The Warriors of the Rainbow would teach the people of the ancient practices of Unity, Love and Understanding. They would teach of Harmony among people in all four comers of the Earth.
Like the Ancient Tribes, they would teach the peoples how to pray to the Great Spirit with love that flows like the beautiful mountain stream, and flows along the path to the ocean of life. Once again, they would be able to feel joy in solitude and in councils. They would be free of petty jealousies and love all mankind as their brothers, regardless of color, race or religion. They would feel happiness enter their hearts, and become as one with the entire human race. Their hearts would be pure and radiate warmth, understanding and respect for all mankind, Nature, and the Great Spirit. They would once again fill their minds, hearts, souls, and deeds with the purest of thoughts. They would seek the beauty of the Master of Life - the Great Spirit! They would find strength and beauty in prayer and the solitudes of life.
Their children would once again be able to run free and enjoy the treasures of Nature and Mother Earth. Free from the fears of toxins and destruction, wrought by the Yo-ne-gi and his practices of greed. The rivers would again run clear, the forests be abundant and beautiful, the animals and birds would be replenished. The powers of the plants and animals would again be respected and conservation of all that is beautiful would become a way of life.
The poor, sick and needy would be cared for by their brothers and sisters of the Earth. These practices would again become a part of their daily lives.
The leaders of the people would be chosen in the old way - not by their political party, or who could speak the loudest, boast the most, or by name calling or mud slinging, but by those whose actions spoke the loudest. Those who demonstrated their love, wisdom, and courage and those who showed that they could and did work for the good of all, would be chosen as the leaders or Chiefs. They would be chosen by their "quality" and not the amount of money they had obtained. Like the thoughtful and devoted "Ancient Chiefs", they would understand the people with love, and see that their young were educated with the love and wisdom of their surroundings. They would show them that miracles can be accomplished to heal this world of its ills, and restore it to health and beauty.
The tasks of these "Warriors of the Rainbow" are many and great. There will be terrifying mountains of ignorance to conquer and they shall find prejudice and hatred. They must be dedicated, unwavering in their strength, and strong of heart. They will find willing hearts and minds that will follow them on this road of returning "Mother Earth" to beauty and plenty - once more.
The day will come, it is not far away. The day that we shall see how we owe our very existence to the people of all tribes that have maintained their culture and heritage. Those that have kept the rituals, stories, legends, and myths alive. It will be with this knowledge, the knowledge that they have preserved, that we shall once again return to "harmony" with Nature, Mother Earth, and mankind. It will be with this knowledge that we shall find our "Key to our Survival".
This is the story of the "Warriors of the Rainbow" and this is my reason for protecting the culture, heritage, and knowledge of my ancestors. I know that the day "Eyes of Fire" spoke of - will come! I want my children and grandchildren to be prepared to accept this task.The task of being one of the........"Warriors of the Rainbow".
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
A Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Prayer
Today we have gathered and we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now, we bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as People.
Now our minds are one.
The Earth Mother
We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our Mother, we send greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Waters
We give thanks to all the Waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms - waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of water.
Now our minds are one.
The Fish
We turn our minds to all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Plants
Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.
Now our minds are one.
The Food Plants
With one mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Medicine Herbs
Now we turn to all the Medicine herbs of the world. From the beginning, they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.
Now our minds are one.
The Animals
We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.
Now our minds are one.
The Trees
We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty and other useful things. Many peoples of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.
Now our minds are one.
The Birds
We put our minds together as one and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds - from the smallest to the largest - we send our joyful greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Four Winds
We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.
Now our minds are one.
The Thunderers
Now we turn to the west where our Grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightning and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.
Now our minds are one.
The Sun
We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.
Now our minds are one.
Grandmother Moon
We put our minds together and give thanks to our oldest grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night-time sky. She is the leader of women all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.
Now our minds are one.
The Stars
We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to all the Stars.
Now our minds are one.
The Enlightened Teachers
We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring Teachers.
Now our minds are one.
The Creator
Now we turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.
Now our minds are one.
Closing Words
We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.
Now our minds are one.
Love and Light
Now our minds are one.
The Earth Mother
We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our Mother, we send greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Waters
We give thanks to all the Waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms - waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of water.
Now our minds are one.
The Fish
We turn our minds to all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Plants
Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.
Now our minds are one.
The Food Plants
With one mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Medicine Herbs
Now we turn to all the Medicine herbs of the world. From the beginning, they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.
Now our minds are one.
The Animals
We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.
Now our minds are one.
The Trees
We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty and other useful things. Many peoples of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.
Now our minds are one.
The Birds
We put our minds together as one and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds - from the smallest to the largest - we send our joyful greetings and thanks.
Now our minds are one.
The Four Winds
We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.
Now our minds are one.
The Thunderers
Now we turn to the west where our Grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightning and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.
Now our minds are one.
The Sun
We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.
Now our minds are one.
Grandmother Moon
We put our minds together and give thanks to our oldest grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night-time sky. She is the leader of women all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.
Now our minds are one.
The Stars
We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to all the Stars.
Now our minds are one.
The Enlightened Teachers
We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring Teachers.
Now our minds are one.
The Creator
Now we turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.
Now our minds are one.
Closing Words
We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.
Now our minds are one.
Love and Light
Tuesday, November 6, 2007
A wedding and a birth
I was asked to officiate a friends wedding ceremony on Thursday. It was a beautiful ceremony. We all met in the park around sunrise and placed the candles and the foliage, called a circle and had a touching hand fasting. Followed by a delicious breakfast.
Later that day I got a phone call from my first time Mom saying she was having contractions but couldn't say that this was "the real thing". I asked her if she wanted Camille( my recently married friend and doula for this birth) to come out and give her a massage or just hang out. She said she would just hang out and give us a call later. I had just turned out the lights to get settled into bed after getting my toddler to sleep when the phone rang, it was about 10:30pm. It was my mama saying she had a gush that was tinged with blood so, I got my things and headed over. When I got there the mama was glowing and smiling. She and her partner were doing well breathing and laughing through contractions.
I checked heart tones and timed her contractions for about and hour and then called her labor support to come over. We filled the pool and I showed her how to sway her hips to relieve back pain and bring the baby down. She got in and out of the pool as her contractions got stronger and stronger. I tried to lay down and get in a few catnaps before the birth. I didn't think she would birth until about 7am.
As we moved into the wee hours of the morn her contractions became too strong for her to talk through anymore and she started crying and saying she couldn't do it anymore. We coached her through the hard contractions and I kept reminding her that she would see her baby soon and to take one contraction at a time. In those moments I wish so much that I could take on some of the burden. Between contractions I would tell her that this is her journey and that no one but her could do this and that when she was done with this she would know that she could do anything. After many hours of hard labor she was finally ready to push.
She pushed for about 15 minutes when we saw the head emerge. I said to her "reach down and bring your baby to you with the next contraction." With the next contraction she scooped her baby up and brought him to her chest. The look on her face was priceless. It was the first time as a midwife that I really encouraged a woman to catch her baby. Honestly, I didn't think it would be as rewarding(as a midwife) but it was even more rewarding than catching the baby myself. I will treasure the moment I saw her face, when she brought her baby to her chest and saw him for the first time. I thought, here is a 19 year old young woman, who had never birthed before,she had the strength to do this naturally and now will forever more know the empowering feeling of taking charge of her own body and birth. I was a part of a very amazing experience and it feels so good! I know that this young woman will never let anyone take advantage of her power and it feels awesome to know that I helped her feel strong enough to do this. Welcome London, 8lbs. even, born at 8:15am and thank you for being perfect in every way!
Later that day I got a phone call from my first time Mom saying she was having contractions but couldn't say that this was "the real thing". I asked her if she wanted Camille( my recently married friend and doula for this birth) to come out and give her a massage or just hang out. She said she would just hang out and give us a call later. I had just turned out the lights to get settled into bed after getting my toddler to sleep when the phone rang, it was about 10:30pm. It was my mama saying she had a gush that was tinged with blood so, I got my things and headed over. When I got there the mama was glowing and smiling. She and her partner were doing well breathing and laughing through contractions.
I checked heart tones and timed her contractions for about and hour and then called her labor support to come over. We filled the pool and I showed her how to sway her hips to relieve back pain and bring the baby down. She got in and out of the pool as her contractions got stronger and stronger. I tried to lay down and get in a few catnaps before the birth. I didn't think she would birth until about 7am.
As we moved into the wee hours of the morn her contractions became too strong for her to talk through anymore and she started crying and saying she couldn't do it anymore. We coached her through the hard contractions and I kept reminding her that she would see her baby soon and to take one contraction at a time. In those moments I wish so much that I could take on some of the burden. Between contractions I would tell her that this is her journey and that no one but her could do this and that when she was done with this she would know that she could do anything. After many hours of hard labor she was finally ready to push.
She pushed for about 15 minutes when we saw the head emerge. I said to her "reach down and bring your baby to you with the next contraction." With the next contraction she scooped her baby up and brought him to her chest. The look on her face was priceless. It was the first time as a midwife that I really encouraged a woman to catch her baby. Honestly, I didn't think it would be as rewarding(as a midwife) but it was even more rewarding than catching the baby myself. I will treasure the moment I saw her face, when she brought her baby to her chest and saw him for the first time. I thought, here is a 19 year old young woman, who had never birthed before,she had the strength to do this naturally and now will forever more know the empowering feeling of taking charge of her own body and birth. I was a part of a very amazing experience and it feels so good! I know that this young woman will never let anyone take advantage of her power and it feels awesome to know that I helped her feel strong enough to do this. Welcome London, 8lbs. even, born at 8:15am and thank you for being perfect in every way!
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
I am beautiful
I wanted to share this post I made in my Myspace blog with all of you here. This proves that I really can come up with more than one paragraph of coherent thought :) I try to share my midwifery stories and thoughts here and the thoughts I file under the category of other in my myspace blog but, I liked this one so much I decided to share.
My world view has certainly changed since I left EastWind. the people there were all natural. They didn't shave their legs much less their pussies! They had natural hair colors and natural breasts. Clothing was optional there, so I often saw the real shape of their bodies and non of them were digitally enhanced, airbrushed or otherwise altered (though some were modified with tattoos and piercings). They were different shapes and sizes. Different colors and different sexes. But, the one thing they all had in common was none of them were perfect. Everyone had a flaw of some kind. That, to me, was beautiful. Our diversity was beautiful. I felt beautiful there. I had many friends and lovers and not one of them made me feel as if I needed to change because I was not tall, skinny, pretty, whatever enough.
I guess my standard of beauty is just well...different than most. To me you have to have a light that shines a wonderful spectrum of colors to be beautiful. I can't remember the last time I simply saw someone from across a crowded room and thought "man, that person is amazingly good looking!" I really need to get to know a person before I feel or find an attraction on a physical level. Beauty is not something that someone can achieve by working out or by getting a boob job or by waxing their pussy. Beauty is spiritual, it isn't tangible. It is something that radiates form within a person. The glow of a smile, the warmth of a heart. It is something that lives within us. Everyone has it. Some of us don't show it. Some of us exude it. The thing that really amazes me is that our culture doesn't nurture it. I mean you can flip on the old boob tube and see a Dove commercial telling us to honor true beauty but, considering every other commercial force feeds us the "pop culture" standard of beauty, how the hell does anyone really know what true beauty looks like. And more importantly, does anyone care? Shit, everywhere I look I see people talking about how fat Brittney Spears is now. Last I saw that woman was still a size 6 people! WTF! That ain't fat. I bet most consumers laugh at those Dove commercials, in fact I remember reading a poll somewhere that had a majority of people saying that they thought that those commercials should be removed from T.V. because "those women are just gross, no one wants to see that". If that is gross then I don't even want to know what those people would say about me.
I am so thankful that I have a voice that tells me everyday that I am beautiful. That voice comes attached to my husband of course. He is always telling me that I should be happy because he thinks I am a super sexy goddess mama. I am. I am truly happy that I have found a voice of reason in this chaos. he calls me back to the light when i start to feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I often wonder how I got to be so lucky. How lucky I am to find a man that loves me for what I am as well as who I am.
I am beautiful!
This is what I have to tell myself everyday. Being here in Babylon...I don't feel very beautiful. Our society puts a lot of pressure on us to be beautiful. Then they tell us what beauty is. When I see a super skinny 17 year old come into the coffee shop I think...wow that girl could be a super model. She is the standard of beauty in our country. I must be appauling to most people. With my natural body and hair. My tattoos, my fat. No one looks at me twice...at least not in THAT way.My world view has certainly changed since I left EastWind. the people there were all natural. They didn't shave their legs much less their pussies! They had natural hair colors and natural breasts. Clothing was optional there, so I often saw the real shape of their bodies and non of them were digitally enhanced, airbrushed or otherwise altered (though some were modified with tattoos and piercings). They were different shapes and sizes. Different colors and different sexes. But, the one thing they all had in common was none of them were perfect. Everyone had a flaw of some kind. That, to me, was beautiful. Our diversity was beautiful. I felt beautiful there. I had many friends and lovers and not one of them made me feel as if I needed to change because I was not tall, skinny, pretty, whatever enough.
I guess my standard of beauty is just well...different than most. To me you have to have a light that shines a wonderful spectrum of colors to be beautiful. I can't remember the last time I simply saw someone from across a crowded room and thought "man, that person is amazingly good looking!" I really need to get to know a person before I feel or find an attraction on a physical level. Beauty is not something that someone can achieve by working out or by getting a boob job or by waxing their pussy. Beauty is spiritual, it isn't tangible. It is something that radiates form within a person. The glow of a smile, the warmth of a heart. It is something that lives within us. Everyone has it. Some of us don't show it. Some of us exude it. The thing that really amazes me is that our culture doesn't nurture it. I mean you can flip on the old boob tube and see a Dove commercial telling us to honor true beauty but, considering every other commercial force feeds us the "pop culture" standard of beauty, how the hell does anyone really know what true beauty looks like. And more importantly, does anyone care? Shit, everywhere I look I see people talking about how fat Brittney Spears is now. Last I saw that woman was still a size 6 people! WTF! That ain't fat. I bet most consumers laugh at those Dove commercials, in fact I remember reading a poll somewhere that had a majority of people saying that they thought that those commercials should be removed from T.V. because "those women are just gross, no one wants to see that". If that is gross then I don't even want to know what those people would say about me.
I am so thankful that I have a voice that tells me everyday that I am beautiful. That voice comes attached to my husband of course. He is always telling me that I should be happy because he thinks I am a super sexy goddess mama. I am. I am truly happy that I have found a voice of reason in this chaos. he calls me back to the light when i start to feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I often wonder how I got to be so lucky. How lucky I am to find a man that loves me for what I am as well as who I am.
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