"They" said she couldn't do it

Monday morning I woke up at 4am. I couldn't get back to sleep so I came downstairs had a glass of milk, took a shower, heated my rice pillow and snuggled back in bed. A few minutes later I got a phone call from a papa saying that L was having contractions but, not to come over just yet. So, I started to doze of when the next call came, her water had broke. So, I got up got dressed and headed over. When I got there L was laboring really well and getting herself ready to get into the pool. I got my baselines, took a few notes, called Mona and went in to lay down on the couch. Mona arrived around 6:30am and we chatted for awhile. Everything was so calm and felt so perfect. I was elated to be at this birth. As I lay on the couch listening to L moan and breath through contractions I thought about the conversations we had about the doctors and how they said she should have just planned her csection from the beginning. At about 7:45am I started to hear L doing some involuntary pushing but I wanted to wait a bit before we went in and disturbed her flow. Finally around 8:15am I went in and sat beside the pool. She was really starting to push. I saw the babies head emerge gently and I watched as all the mucus was pushed out of his nose by the mama's yoni. Then slowly she pushed the rest of the baby out into my hands. I slowly lifted him out of the water so he could take his first breath and handed him over to L. She looked down and discovered that the baby was a boy. She and her partner began to cry with joy. It was such a sweet victory. You see L has a heart shaped uterus. Her first birth was a csection and the doctors told her that she would never be able to carry term or give birth naturally. She was 10 days overdue! And those doctors were so wrong! Welcome River Free I, born December 3rd 2007 at 8:35am, 7lbs. 6oz. Beautiful, perfect and amazing.

The journey begins

So, I sent my mother in law an email that said many things including that I started dreadlocks. She said that her family was very conservative especially with hair and that none of them will like the dreadlocks. She did say that it was my hair to do with as I please....

So, the journey begins. Strange how we have to start with our families isn't it? On thanksgiving I had a conversation with Jesse's grandma about being different or looking different and why some people choose to do so. I tried to talk to her about our prejudices and how being different on the outside forces people into facing these prejudices.

Having dreads is one way that I want to buck the system. It is another way that I can look Babylon in the face and say "I am done! I am done trying to conform to your outrageous beauty standards! I done trying to fit into a culture that will not accept me for who I am." And then I will walk into a persons home and be likable. Down right kind and likable. I will make people look at our culture and what it says to them about what beauty is and maybe just maybe they will begin to question what beauty really looks like.

Why are dreads such an abomination to the white people? Is it because black people do this to their hair? Is it possible that the white persons repulsion of dreads could be a racist response? Can you imagine? Could it be possible that black hair is beautiful too? Even if it's on a white girl?

Warriors of the Rainbow

There was an old lady, from the "Cree" tribe, named "Eyes of Fire", who prophesied that one day, because of the white mans' or Yo-ne-gis' greed, there would come a time, when the fish would die in the streams, the birds would fall from the air, the waters would be blackened, and the trees would no longer be, mankind as we would know it would all but cease to exist.

There would come a time when the "keepers of the legend, stories, culture rituals, and myths, and all the Ancient Tribal Customs" would be needed to restore us to health. They would be mankinds� key to survival, they were the "Warriors of the Rainbow". There would come a day of awakening when all the peoples of all the tribes would form a New World of Justice, Peace, Freedom and recognition of the Great Spirit.

The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would spread these messages and teach all peoples of the Earth or "Elohi". They would teach them how to live the "Way of the Great Spirit". They would tell them of how the world today has turned away from the Great Spirit and that is why our Earth is "Sick".

The "Warriors of the Rainbow" would show the peoples that this "Ancient Being" (the Great Spirit), is full of love and understanding, and teach them how to make the "Earth or Elohi" beautiful again. These Warriors would give the people principles or rules to follow to make their path right with the world. These principles would be those of the Ancient Tribes. The Warriors of the Rainbow would teach the people of the ancient practices of Unity, Love and Understanding. They would teach of Harmony among people in all four comers of the Earth.

Like the Ancient Tribes, they would teach the peoples how to pray to the Great Spirit with love that flows like the beautiful mountain stream, and flows along the path to the ocean of life. Once again, they would be able to feel joy in solitude and in councils. They would be free of petty jealousies and love all mankind as their brothers, regardless of color, race or religion. They would feel happiness enter their hearts, and become as one with the entire human race. Their hearts would be pure and radiate warmth, understanding and respect for all mankind, Nature, and the Great Spirit. They would once again fill their minds, hearts, souls, and deeds with the purest of thoughts. They would seek the beauty of the Master of Life - the Great Spirit! They would find strength and beauty in prayer and the solitudes of life.

Their children would once again be able to run free and enjoy the treasures of Nature and Mother Earth. Free from the fears of toxins and destruction, wrought by the Yo-ne-gi and his practices of greed. The rivers would again run clear, the forests be abundant and beautiful, the animals and birds would be replenished. The powers of the plants and animals would again be respected and conservation of all that is beautiful would become a way of life.

The poor, sick and needy would be cared for by their brothers and sisters of the Earth. These practices would again become a part of their daily lives.

The leaders of the people would be chosen in the old way - not by their political party, or who could speak the loudest, boast the most, or by name calling or mud slinging, but by those whose actions spoke the loudest. Those who demonstrated their love, wisdom, and courage and those who showed that they could and did work for the good of all, would be chosen as the leaders or Chiefs. They would be chosen by their "quality" and not the amount of money they had obtained. Like the thoughtful and devoted "Ancient Chiefs", they would understand the people with love, and see that their young were educated with the love and wisdom of their surroundings. They would show them that miracles can be accomplished to heal this world of its ills, and restore it to health and beauty.

The tasks of these "Warriors of the Rainbow" are many and great. There will be terrifying mountains of ignorance to conquer and they shall find prejudice and hatred. They must be dedicated, unwavering in their strength, and strong of heart. They will find willing hearts and minds that will follow them on this road of returning "Mother Earth" to beauty and plenty - once more.

The day will come, it is not far away. The day that we shall see how we owe our very existence to the people of all tribes that have maintained their culture and heritage. Those that have kept the rituals, stories, legends, and myths alive. It will be with this knowledge, the knowledge that they have preserved, that we shall once again return to "harmony" with Nature, Mother Earth, and mankind. It will be with this knowledge that we shall find our "Key to our Survival".

This is the story of the "Warriors of the Rainbow" and this is my reason for protecting the culture, heritage, and knowledge of my ancestors. I know that the day "Eyes of Fire" spoke of - will come! I want my children and grandchildren to be prepared to accept this task.The task of being one of the........"Warriors of the Rainbow".

A Haudenosaunee Thanksgiving Prayer

Today we have gathered and we see that the cycles of life continue. We have been given the duty to live in balance and harmony with each other and all living things. So now, we bring our minds together as one as we give greetings and thanks to each other as People.

Now our minds are one.


The Earth Mother


We are all thankful to our Mother, the Earth, for she gives us all that we need for life. She supports our feet as we walk about upon her. It gives us joy that she continues to care for us as she has from the beginning of time. To our Mother, we send greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.


The Waters


We give thanks to all the Waters of the world for quenching our thirst and providing us with strength. Water is life. We know its power in many forms - waterfalls and rain, mists and streams, rivers and oceans. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the spirit of water.

Now our minds are one.


The Fish

We turn our minds to all the Fish life in the water. They were instructed to cleanse and purify the water. They also give themselves to us as food. We are grateful that we can still find pure water. So, we turn now to the Fish and send our greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.


The Plants

Now we turn toward the vast fields of Plant life. As far as the eye can see, the Plants grow, working many wonders. They sustain many life forms. With our minds gathered together, we give thanks and look forward to seeing Plant life for many generations to come.

Now our minds are one.


The Food Plants

With one mind, we turn to honor and thank all the Food Plants we harvest from the garden. Since the beginning of time, the grains, vegetables, beans and berries have helped the people survive. Many other living things draw strength from them too. We gather all the Plant Foods together as one and send them a greeting and thanks.

Now our minds are one.


The Medicine Herbs

Now we turn to all the Medicine herbs of the world. From the beginning, they were instructed to take away sickness. They are always waiting and ready to heal us. We are happy there are still among us those special few who remember how to use these plants for healing. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to the Medicines and to the keepers of the Medicines.

Now our minds are one.


The Animals

We gather our minds together to send greetings and thanks to all the Animal life in the world. They have many things to teach us as people. We see them near our homes and in the deep forests. We are glad they are still here and we hope that it will always be so.

Now our minds are one.


The Trees

We now turn our thoughts to the Trees. The Earth has many families of Trees who have their own instructions and uses. Some provide us with shelter and shade, others with fruit, beauty and other useful things. Many peoples of the world use a Tree as a symbol of peace and strength. With one mind, we greet and thank the Tree life.

Now our minds are one.


The Birds

We put our minds together as one and thank all the Birds who move and fly about over our heads. The Creator gave them beautiful songs. Each day they remind us to enjoy and appreciate life. The Eagle was chosen to be their leader. To all the Birds - from the smallest to the largest - we send our joyful greetings and thanks.

Now our minds are one.


The Four Winds

We are all thankful to the powers we know as the Four Winds. We hear their voices in the moving air as they refresh us and purify the air we breathe. They help to bring the change of seasons. From the four directions they come, bringing us messages and giving us strength. With one mind, we send our greetings and thanks to the Four Winds.

Now our minds are one.


The Thunderers

Now we turn to the west where our Grandfathers, the Thunder Beings, live. With lightning and thundering voices, they bring with them the water that renews life. We bring our minds together as one to send greetings and thanks to our Grandfathers, the Thunderers.

Now our minds are one.


The Sun

We now send greetings and thanks to our eldest Brother, the Sun. Each day without fail he travels the sky from east to west, bringing the light of a new day. He is the source of all the fires of life. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Brother, the Sun.

Now our minds are one.


Grandmother Moon

We put our minds together and give thanks to our oldest grandmother, the Moon, who lights the night-time sky. She is the leader of women all over the world, and she governs the movement of the ocean tides. By her changing face we measure time, and it is the Moon who watches over the arrival of children here on Earth. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to our Grandmother, the Moon.

Now our minds are one.


The Stars


We give thanks to the Stars who are spread across the sky like jewelry. We see them in the night, helping the Moon to light the darkness and bringing dew to the gardens and growing things. When we travel at night, they guide us home. With our minds gathered together as one, we send greetings and thanks to all the Stars.

Now our minds are one.


The Enlightened Teachers

We gather our minds to greet and thank the enlightened Teachers who have come to help throughout the ages. When we forget how to live in harmony, they remind us of the way we were instructed to live as people. With one mind, we send greetings and thanks to these caring Teachers.

Now our minds are one.


The Creator

Now we turn our thoughts to the Creator, or Great Spirit, and send greetings and thanks for the gifts of Creation. Everything we need to live a good life is here on this Mother Earth. For all the love that is still around us, we gather our minds together as one and send our choicest words of greetings and thanks to the Creator.

Now our minds are one.


Closing Words

We have now arrived at the place where we end our words. Of all the things we have named, it was not our intention to leave anything out. If something was forgotten, we leave it to each individual to send such greetings and thanks in their own way.

Now our minds are one.

Love and Light

A wedding and a birth

I was asked to officiate a friends wedding ceremony on Thursday. It was a beautiful ceremony. We all met in the park around sunrise and placed the candles and the foliage, called a circle and had a touching hand fasting. Followed by a delicious breakfast.

Later that day I got a phone call from my first time Mom saying she was having contractions but couldn't say that this was "the real thing". I asked her if she wanted Camille( my recently married friend and doula for this birth) to come out and give her a massage or just hang out. She said she would just hang out and give us a call later. I had just turned out the lights to get settled into bed after getting my toddler to sleep when the phone rang, it was about 10:30pm. It was my mama saying she had a gush that was tinged with blood so, I got my things and headed over. When I got there the mama was glowing and smiling. She and her partner were doing well breathing and laughing through contractions.
I checked heart tones and timed her contractions for about and hour and then called her labor support to come over. We filled the pool and I showed her how to sway her hips to relieve back pain and bring the baby down. She got in and out of the pool as her contractions got stronger and stronger. I tried to lay down and get in a few catnaps before the birth. I didn't think she would birth until about 7am.

As we moved into the wee hours of the morn her contractions became too strong for her to talk through anymore and she started crying and saying she couldn't do it anymore. We coached her through the hard contractions and I kept reminding her that she would see her baby soon and to take one contraction at a time. In those moments I wish so much that I could take on some of the burden. Between contractions I would tell her that this is her journey and that no one but her could do this and that when she was done with this she would know that she could do anything. After many hours of hard labor she was finally ready to push. She pushed for about 15 minutes when we saw the head emerge. I said to her "reach down and bring your baby to you with the next contraction." With the next contraction she scooped her baby up and brought him to her chest. The look on her face was priceless. It was the first time as a midwife that I really encouraged a woman to catch her baby. Honestly, I didn't think it would be as rewarding(as a midwife) but it was even more rewarding than catching the baby myself. I will treasure the moment I saw her face, when she brought her baby to her chest and saw him for the first time. I thought, here is a 19 year old young woman, who had never birthed before,she had the strength to do this naturally and now will forever more know the empowering feeling of taking charge of her own body and birth. I was a part of a very amazing experience and it feels so good! I know that this young woman will never let anyone take advantage of her power and it feels awesome to know that I helped her feel strong enough to do this. Welcome London, 8lbs. even, born at 8:15am and thank you for being perfect in every way!

Ani on home birth.

This is great!

I am beautiful

I wanted to share this post I made in my Myspace blog with all of you here. This proves that I really can come up with more than one paragraph of coherent thought :) I try to share my midwifery stories and thoughts here and the thoughts I file under the category of other in my myspace blog but, I liked this one so much I decided to share.

I am beautiful!

This is what I have to tell myself everyday. Being here in Babylon...I don't feel very beautiful. Our society puts a lot of pressure on us to be beautiful. Then they tell us what beauty is. When I see a super skinny 17 year old come into the coffee shop I think...wow that girl could be a super model. She is the standard of beauty in our country. I must be appauling to most people. With my natural body and hair. My tattoos, my fat. No one looks at me twice...at least not in THAT way.

My world view has certainly changed since I left EastWind. the people there were all natural. They didn't shave their legs much less their pussies! They had natural hair colors and natural breasts. Clothing was optional there, so I often saw the real shape of their bodies and non of them were digitally enhanced, airbrushed or otherwise altered (though some were modified with tattoos and piercings). They were different shapes and sizes. Different colors and different sexes. But, the one thing they all had in common was none of them were perfect. Everyone had a flaw of some kind. That, to me, was beautiful. Our diversity was beautiful. I felt beautiful there. I had many friends and lovers and not one of them made me feel as if I needed to change because I was not tall, skinny, pretty, whatever enough.

I guess my standard of beauty is just well...different than most. To me you have to have a light that shines a wonderful spectrum of colors to be beautiful. I can't remember the last time I simply saw someone from across a crowded room and thought "man, that person is amazingly good looking!" I really need to get to know a person before I feel or find an attraction on a physical level. Beauty is not something that someone can achieve by working out or by getting a boob job or by waxing their pussy. Beauty is spiritual, it isn't tangible. It is something that radiates form within a person. The glow of a smile, the warmth of a heart. It is something that lives within us. Everyone has it. Some of us don't show it. Some of us exude it. The thing that really amazes me is that our culture doesn't nurture it. I mean you can flip on the old boob tube and see a Dove commercial telling us to honor true beauty but, considering every other commercial force feeds us the "pop culture" standard of beauty, how the hell does anyone really know what true beauty looks like. And more importantly, does anyone care? Shit, everywhere I look I see people talking about how fat Brittney Spears is now. Last I saw that woman was still a size 6 people! WTF! That ain't fat. I bet most consumers laugh at those Dove commercials, in fact I remember reading a poll somewhere that had a majority of people saying that they thought that those commercials should be removed from T.V. because "those women are just gross, no one wants to see that". If that is gross then I don't even want to know what those people would say about me.
I am so thankful that I have a voice that tells me everyday that I am beautiful. That voice comes attached to my husband of course. He is always telling me that I should be happy because he thinks I am a super sexy goddess mama. I am. I am truly happy that I have found a voice of reason in this chaos. he calls me back to the light when i start to feel overwhelmed by the darkness. I often wonder how I got to be so lucky. How lucky I am to find a man that loves me for what I am as well as who I am.

Look at me I am liked by the unlikable!

Dark Daughta said...

I'm thankful for the ease with which you speak of your belief in homebirth, traditional midwifery and the power of birthing wimmin. Mountain, where do you go when you want to be stimulated as you stimulate and embolden others? Do you have conversations with birth guardians who "get it", who want to learn more and do nore? Where do you find sistership with other rogues planning birthing revolutions? Cuz I'd like to be a fly on that wall. :)

Why thank you! I have a really hard time finding a sisterhood. It seems that a lot of people think I'm kinda strange. Even within the birthing community I find it difficult to relate to other birth practitioners. I don't necessarily feel attacked in anyway but, sometimes I feel like the black sheep. I also find it hard to make friends. Though, I feel like I am a likable person it is difficult to find women that see me as a person who happens to be a midwife. I mostly find stimulation here on the net where I can virtually commune with wonderful souls like you. Your blog just blows me away! You really make me think. All of you do. I am constantly reading and rethinking who I am and what I do. As far as conspiring with other rogues....well, I am still waiting for that!

The midwife I apprenticed with always told me that birth is as safe as life gets. I really do believe it. I try very hard, even though I am a new midwife, to trust in women and to give them the opportunity to do what they believe is the right thing to do. Ultimately, it is their bodies, their babies, their choices. I am there as a sister, friend and spiritual guide. And, I view every birth I attend as a blessing!

Babies! Coming soon!

I'm expecting two babies during the fall months. I am very excited to attend a birth again after what seems like forever. It has been since June...

I met with one of my expecting couples today. They are a sweet young couple. This is their first baby. It brought tears to my eyes to talk with dad about supporting his partner during labor. We talked about how special he was for wanting to be strong with her and support her and how awe inspiring birth is. I feel so blessed to be welcomed at this birth. They are very special people.

My next couple due around Thanksgiving are friends of mine. Mom has a bicornuate uterus. Her last baby was taken via c-section due to breech presentation. So, this birth will be a victory for mom and a testament to the normalcy of the heart shaped uterus.


I have been spending a lot of time contemplating my role as a midwife. I don't get tons of clients, maybe 5 a year. So, all my clients also become my friends and extended family. I want so much to treasure all of the beautiful families that welcome me into their lives and their births. And, I want very much to be a great midwife as well. So, it has been interesting to try to balance friend with professional.

In other news...I am writing a business plan to open a bakery along with a friend of mine. I am hoping that this will work out for us. I desperately need something that I enjoy doing to give my family a little financial security. Please keep us in your thoughts!

Undercover midwife...

Today, I was at the W.I.C. office, just sitting there minding my own business, not looking (ok maybe subconsciously) for a reason to undermine the medical establishment. When this sweet young woman looked right at me and said, "does it hurt to give birth?" It is so hard to answer that question but, I am really glad that she asked me. I sat and talked with her about natural birth, pain, water birth, epidural, freedom of movement, everything she wanted to know. Another older woman chimed in with her birth experience and even said that she would NEVER recommend an epidural to anyone. I think that we may have actually made an impact on this young woman! I did not ever reveal to either of them that I am a midwife. I really wanted her to hear me as a peer rather than an authority on the subject. I am so happy to have had this positive experience!

I have dreamed of starting a pregnancy support and information organization akin to places like the crisis pregnancy center, without the crisis part....and without any religious affiliation. I think that our community needs a natural family living center where families can get information on all things parenting and pregnancy. Now, if I could just come into that inheritance or that winning lottery number....

Yikes! I've been tagged!

I was tagged by Laborpayne.

So now I am supposed to give all of you eight things you MAY not know about me!

Here are the rules for being tagged:
RULES - Post rules before giving the facts - Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves - People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules - At the end of the your blog you need to tag six people and list their names - Leave them a comment on their blog, telling them they have been tagged and not to forget to read your blog.

Okay...here it goes.....in no particular order :)

1. I love to throw parties! I have several parties a year and a monthly pot luck. I really enjoy entertaining my friends but, mostly I love to cook for them!

2. I lived on a commune in southern Missouri called EastWind for 3 years. I loved it there. I am very tribal minded and still miss it form time to time.

3. I love to shop...shhhh

4. I birthed a child for another couple. We had a home birth and it was a really amazing experience. Several years later they called to ask me if I would do it again but, I was in the mist of school and apprenticeship. So, I declined. Then they asked if I would be willing to donate my eggs so that the Mom would have a chance to carry and birth a child. I said I would and she gave birth to a set of twin girls! We visit with each other at least once a year and they are like extended family.

5. I have a fetish for dreadlocks. I really wish I could keep some of my own.....

6. I am nervous and shy around new people. It really is true. When I first started doing prenatals during my apprenticeship, I would turn red in the face and break out in a sweat when I took FHT. lol.

7. I bite my nails. terrible habit. I have tried to stop many times.

8. I collect rocks, feathers, crystals and any interestingly shaped natural object. I have a pretty cool collection including some eagle feathers that were gifted to me by a Lakota medicine man on mothers day.

Now, it's my turn to tag 6 people. I want here 8 things from Pam, Stephanie, Alissa, Tara, Jessica, and the Navelgazing midwife.

First time Moms

Why do most doctors and midwives fear the first time Mom so much? I'll tell you why...it's because they assume that they can't give birth. They assume that their bodies are flawed and they need these new mothers to prove their pelvis. Just typing that sounds funny. You know if we put their uterus in a court of law, it would be the courts burden to prove the uterus unfit. So why, oh why, do we have the burden of proving our uterus is normal, useful and capable of giving birth to doctors? At what point did these medical professions become the judge, jury, and executioners of womens bodies?

I have talked to many first time Moms about birth. I have attended many births of first time mothers and I just love it! It is really wonderful to see a woman empowered by birth! First time moms are excellent home birth candidates because they don't need the deprogramming that most previous hospital birthers need. Experiencing a birth for the first time is an amazing experience and being a part of that energy is such a blessing!

And yet another fabulous question

Another Blog read asked "Are you a lay midwife or a CPM and where did you study"

I am a lay midwife. I did a traditional apprenticeship with a Senior midwife in my area. In the state in which I reside midwives are unregulated so the CPM certification is of no legal use. I have considered the NARM certification route but, decided to stick with what I believe in which is lay midwifery. Birth is not a medical event, it is a normal, natural, life experience that should be treated as such. It used to be that the grandmas, aunts, sisters and friends would gather around the laboring woman and lend her strength during her birth. These more experienced women would midwife for other women in their tribes or villages. It was an art and a duty for them. I want to bring back this feeling of sisterhood into birth. I am trying very hard to educate women about the normalcy of birth and do not see myself as an authority figure or a "professional". Rather, I see myself as a friend, a sister... an artist.

Answer to a comment

Dawn asked if I ever "Deliver" in a hospital. I have 2 answers to that question. First, no I do not work in a hospital. I am strictly a home birth midwife. I have entertained the thought of becoming a CNM but, after soul searching I finally decided that I would never be able to work in that environment with a clear conscious.

I want to address another part of your question which is the word "deliver". I want to make clear that I do not "deliver" babies, I catch them. Let us take a look at the definition of the word deliver (from the Merriam-Websters Dictionary) Deliver (verb) 1 : to set free. 2 a : to take and hand over to or leave for another: b. to hand over, surrender. To use this word would suggest that I am freeing the baby from it's mother or vise versa. I do not feel that I am doing anything but keeping the baby from hitting the floor. Also, to say a woman is delivering a baby suggests that she is being freed from some sort of bondage. I view birth as an empowering experience, not as a form of bondage from which a woman needs to be set free.

I am trying to embrace a new view of birth as an empowering and enjoyable experience therefore, I choose to change my words to be more respectful of my families and their births.

So, I catch babies not deliver them and a mother births a baby, she does not deliver a baby. Just say it a few times and you will see how profoundly it will change your perception. Thanks so much for your question! I love being given something to talk about. This blogging thing is a little hard for me.

Wonderful Summer Solstice Water Birth

Last Sunday S called at 9am to let me know that she had been having regular contractions since 8am and she thought this was the real thing. She was 9 days past her gestimated due date and was SO ready to see her baby. I can almost always tell when a woman is in true labor by the sound of her voice and by the tingling sensation I get on the back of my neck when I get the call. I know it sounds silly but, it is absolutely true. I feel like I have a real connection with my families and so I can just tell when something is happening. I think this is part of the joy of having a lay midwife attend your birth (but, that's a different post). Anyhoo, I give a resounding "woohoo!" and tell her that I will be in contact with her every hour unless I hear from her.

I called and checked on her every hour until about 1:30p when I called to let her know that I was going to lay down and take a nap to prepare for this evenings excitement. I was awoken by a phone call at about 3:30p from S saying she was thinking we should head out. So, I got my things and swung by to pick up Mona (my lovely, wonderful and amazing partner, again another post). We had a 45 minute drive ahead of us so we were sure to move swiftly. We arrived at the families house at about 4:30p. When I went in Dad was setting up the pool and pointed me toward the bathroom to check on Mom. S was sitting on the toilet and contracting really well. I could tell by the look on her face and the vibe of the room that she was in transition and coming very close to birth. She was glowing and looked beautiful! Just then Mona came around the corner and I went to go prepare my equipment. We had the pool ready about 5 minutes later and S got in...you could see the relief on her face when she got into the water. I checked heart tones and then let her be for a few minutes. When I came back in to the room with towels, at 5:10p, S had a nice contraction and her water broke. There was light mec staining but, nothing to be too worried about. I got my gloves and prepared for the birth. A few minutes later S said she felt the urge to push. I said to her, "that's great. Let your uterus do the work and your baby will come gently into this world". S was so present and in control, it was just amazing! Slowly we saw the baby emerge and I said," we can see your baby's head, reach down and touch her, it's really neat." S did and a big smile came over her. Soon we saw the baby crown and then her whole head came. I reached to check for cord and found 1 loop around her neck. I held her close to mom as she gave one small push to birth the baby's body. I unwrapped the cord from around the baby's neck gently underwater and handed her to her mom. We all welcomed baby Lillith into the world at 5:15pm. What a glorious and empowering birth!

Lillith weighed 9lbs. 2oz.

Thoughts on unhindered birth

So, I had a birth this weekend (which was wonderful). I'll post the story soon.

After the Mom gave birth she was all happy and blissful. She looked at me with an amazed look and said, "I just gave birth and you didn't put your hand in my vagina once!". I smiled and said, "yep. Amazing how that works, huh?"

I really feel like the vagina is a sacred place. A place of power and it deserves to be treated as such. I do not take vaginal exams lightly and I do not touch a woman's vagina unless she asks me too. I really don't think that a woman needs to be told when it's ok to push, she knows when she needs to push. So, I don't routinely do vaginal exams to check for full dilation either. Often, when a woman says she has the urge to push I will tell her to listen to her body and to let her uterus do the work. This helps the baby come out gently and I have seen that woman are much more present when they just let birth happen rather than trying to "push push push!"

I am totally convinced that routine vaginal exams are unnecessary. How many other things do we do that we really don't NEED to do? And by doing these unnecessary things are we unconsciously taking power and control away from the mother?

I aim to empower women not to dehumanize them through intervention. As a midwife I want to continue to explore how little I can do!

Up and running

One of my friends just got done working on Kitty and she is running for now. It really is a mantra to keep a bus running. I have been considering buying an air cooled VW because I could learn to work on it myself. But, for now we have to keep Kitty going. So, thanks for all the good thoughts that have been sent in my direction for Kitty's healing!

Very very tired

Well, I haven't posted in a while because I have been very busy and extremely tired. I got a job baking at a coffee house in the early early mornings. I love the job but, getting adjusted to the new hours has been pretty hard on me. I am naturally a night owl...

I have a Mama due tomorrow with her second baby. I am hoping she will give birth before next weekend so that I can go to the Community Peace Festival. I am desperate for a swim in the river! And a rockin drum circle!

My VW bus is sick. She is over heating and we are crossing our fingers that the head is not cracked. We already know that a piece that connects the radiator hoses busted. But, it is possible that the head cracked while I tried to hurry home with it overheating. It makes me very sad to think that she could need a new engine. So, please keep my sweet bus Kitty in your prayers :)

Well, hope to see you at the river this weekend with another wonderful birth story!

My sisters, My friends

I love the families I serve.
I really truly do.
It is a sisterly love, it is a sweet love.
It is a love that completes me in a way that I can not put into words.
But, it is there strong and bright and I find it spilling over at times unable to contain it.

I feel honored by your trust and your kindness.
I feel honored to be with you.
To share in the struggles of your labor and the joy of your birth.
To lay my hands on your womb and feel your child move fills me with wonder and excitement.
It is an honor that I can not put into words.

I feel lucky.
So very lucky to watch your children grow.
To hold them in my arms and kiss their little cheeks.
To see them look at me and know who I am.
Their smiles bring tears to my eyes and joy to my heart.

So, I want to thank you.
All of you.
For allowing me into your lives with kindness and patience.
Thank you!

This weeks Birth

Was quite a surprise! We weren't expecting this baby for 3 1/2 weeks! So, when the mom called to tell me her water had broke, I was excited but a little ambivalent...

I got a call at 11pm from "H" saying that she had been sitting there sewing when she felt a gush of water. I asked all the usual questions etc., and told her to give me a call when her contractions started up. As I waited for her call I really started to have some mixed feelings. This baby was about to be born at 36 weeks 4 days and I thought that I should take the time to talk this couple about the possible risks if we were to stay at home. The next time I spoke with "H" I told her of some of my concerns and reassured her that if they decided to birth in the hospital that I would go with them and stay for the duration. "H" began to cry and said that she really didn't want to go but, didn't really commit either way. So, I told her to talk about it with her partner and that ultimately it was her call. Finally, at 1:30a Dad called and said that they wanted me to head out.

When I arrived at the house the energy felt really good. "H" was in active labor and seemed to be handling everything beautifully. I sat down with them, checked heart tones and lent some energy through a few contractions. I talked to them once more about staying home or going to the hospital and told them that I was there for the long haul regardless. The house was dark so I laid down on the bed next to "H", I gently stroked her back and breathed with her during contractions. At about 2:45a I heard this loud voice in my head say, "TRUST IN BIRTH". At that point, I committed to staying, so I got up and went in the kitchen to put my equipment on to boil. As I came around the corner Dad said very calm and sweet, "Mountain, the head is coming out". So, I got my pen light to take a look and sure enough the baby was crowning. Everything, just felt so calm and peaceful. I put on my gloves and sat down on the bed next to them. "H" was very conscience of her body and controlled the birth of the baby's head gently. Then with 2 small pushes birthed the rest of her baby. She was small but pink and perfect. Their little girl weighed 6lbs. 1 oz. What a blessing!

OOOO! Doctors can make me so mad!

Why oh why do they think that they have the right to be mean and hateful to families that have home births? If they truly are only concerned with the health and well being of the babies then why do they make us feel so unwelcome in their offices? It is hard for me to balance out my personal desire to tell families to avoid doctors and hospitals at all costs with the responsibility I have to educate my clients about all of the options. It just breaks my heart that we can not work with the medical establishment to provide the best prenatal, postpartum, and newborn care available. Another point while I am on a tangent...I have heard people talking about midwives being unable to provide the standard of care that a hospital can provide. Well, if the doctors would stop neglecting and in many cases, down right abusing the families that do use midwives then we would be able to provide them with the same standard. It is the medical establishment that prevents us from doing so...and I am beginning to believe that it's done on purpose!

A mom's worst nightmare

So, yesterday seemed like a pretty good day. We are just getting ready to go out to try a new restaurant in our neighborhood when I got the dreaded call...Caitlin has been hit by a car! I can't even tell you what I was thinking, I was so stunned. The woman on the other line (a mother of a friend) was really upset and said "she is crying to come home I will bring her right away!" When she arrived home she was scratched and bruised and highly shaken. I was fearful that she was going to go into shock so I brought her in the house and administered first aid. She was walking around and seemed to be stable so we sat there looking at each other unsure of what to do next. After a few minutes we determined that we would bring her to the ER ourself rather than call an ambulance. Which apparently was the wrong thing to do according to the police officer. To make a long story short....Caitlin must have had an angel watching over her that day cause she managed to get off with a few scrapes and a contusion to her left arm. She even went to school today so that she wouldn't miss the fire trucks that would be there for career day. The driver that hit her left the scene before the police arrived so it is under investigation as a hit and run.

Mostly,I am so thankful that she is alive and happy. Times like these make you realize how much you take advantage of a person being there. This has certainly been a life changing event for us all.

Finally!!!

I am excited tho announce that A and her baby are finally home! Baby is doing great and Mom is very relieved. So, am I! I felt like I couldn't move on knowing they were stuck in that hospital. So, soon I will have a picture to share with you all. He is the cutest baby!

I am also excited that we now have a main floor laundry room! WooHoo! I can't tell you how great it is to have a laundry room that I can use while the baby plays nearby. Love it!

More good news!I have a new client that is due in May. She is first time Mom, who was born at home herself. She and her partner are really sweet. I think that Suzanne (the CNM I assist sometimes) is going to come and assist me this time. Hopefully, I don't get nervous.

Well, I hope that everyone had a nice Easter weekend. We spent Sunday at Jesse's Mom's house. It sure is nice to sit back and let everyone else do the cooking! But, it makes me feel a bit lazy. Lily has come down with a stomach bug. We thought it was from eating to much candy but, I now know it is a virus. Poor baby. She's up playing now so hopefully, she will be better soon.

I haven't posted for a few days. It's been a rough week. "A's" baby had to go to the hospital to get checked for possible infection. They went just to be safe and now the hospital won't let them go for 10 more days! They have run every test under the sun and found nothing wrong with him. But, they did manage to give him a staph infection! Needless to say I feel powerless against this and am not sure what to do. So, this song sums up how I feel this week. You gotta love Ani!

Will I ever stop learning?

Being a new midwife is hard. I think it is almost as hard a s being a new Mom. I am constantly learning new things about who I am and what I do as well as how I do them. As I learn my new lessons I find myself being really hard on myself. I know I am not a veteran midwife that has been practicing for ever and know all the little tricks. But, man I really want to be!
I had several annoying mishaps at my last birth. The most annoying of which was "the Doppler incident". It totally malfunctioned and was unusable by the end. I really wanted to throw it out the back door. So, I had to use the fetoscope which is fine. The part that really bugged me was that I told myself that I didn't ever want to use a Doppler. I decided to trade for one a few months ago and began falling into the ease of it. So, if I had of planned to use the fetoscope all along I would have never gotten so irritated by it's malfunction. Anyhow it's silly I know...But, I really felt like I wasted time interrupting the mom's natural flow fumbling with the stupid thing.
Which leads me to my next learning moment....the water birth. I love them they are really cool but, it is soooo hard to monitor the baby when the mom is in the water. I am not usually wound up about getting FHT often during labor. In fact, I think that we are taught to do it much more often than totally necessary. But, this time I was just feeling the need to check on the baby. Just another trick of the trade that I really need more practice with....

All in all, it was an AMAZING birth. "A" gave birth to an 11 pound baby boy! He is the cutest! I truly admire her for having the strength to push out such a big boy! Shew.....

My first entry

Well, so here I am...not sure how good I am going to be at this blogging stuff but I am going to give it my best try.

Today has been a rainy dreary day. I have had a painful cough and been really tired. Though, I have gotten plenty of rest. Which I am trying to keep up on because I am waiting patiently (lol) for A to have her baby. She was due on the 10th so we are expecting her start up any time now. I am really looking forward to her birth. She is planning a water birth and I want to try out a new technique I saw in a Russian water birth video. I was trained to bring the baby up out of the water immediately after birth. The Russian midwives bring the baby up very slowly to make the transition as gentle as possible. It takes patience and self control. It really forces everyone to slow down. I like that.
The last birth I attended was really great. I was there just barely long enough to start my equipment on to boil and make a cup of coffee before C was ready to push. I like to leave the couples alone until they call for and I could hear C in the back room saying "Yes! Yes!" She was really amazing and beautiful in that moment. She never really pushed she let her body do all of the work and her baby came out very gently. After the baby was born I held her out in front of C and said "take your baby C" Then I put the baby in her arms and we watched as the baby opened her eyes and looked at her mom. C said, "I need to suction" and I said very gently, "no, suctioning. Look she if fine." Then I saw C turn to her baby and realize the peace of this moment. We all sat on the floor smiling and gazing at the baby. C gave birth to a baby Girl 8lbs. 3 oz., she never cried.....